01st May 2012
Just left Bangkok and heading south-east towards Jomtien Beach which is a little outside Pattaya.  I have come to Thailand to “find myself”.  By that I mean to discover what I want in life.  What career, what lifestyle but more importantly who I am. 

So many people, friends and relatives have a perception of me which tends to be the same, or at least very similar.  Most see me as materialistic and wanting the very best in life and to a point they are correct.  I mean, who doesn’t want the best of everything if they could have it.  I think the problem is that I am a dreamer.

Dreams are great to have, don’t get me wrong but sometimes I think that my dreams are far too ambitious.  It’s a bit disheartening to face up to and realise this. My biggest problem is I know that some of my dreams are just that, dreams, but I can’t seem to let them go and all the time I don’t let them go, I miss the journey!  One of my best friends, Nicole, reminds me that the journey is the best bit!  Why can I not accept this!?

Maybe it will help to list my dreams so that I may analyse which are realistic and which are not.  Again, as I write this I know that all of them I believe could happen!  So here goes, in no particular order:

1.       Do something musical.  I love to write music lyrics.  It the only and best way I can express myself.  I live for music lyrics and have a different song for every occasion, memory and feeling.

2.       Own a lush B&B, preferably with Ash, Nicole and Bjorn involved.  Ash can do the hippy bit, Nicole can run a bakery/coffee shop and Noel and I the B&B however I will deal with the spa/retreat side.

That’s it! Two dreams.  I definitely think the second is achievable and have thought that the musical bit could come from setting up a type of Glee Club for youngster wherever I end up settling.

So, back to the Thailand trip of “finding myself”, so far I have done Bangkok.  Its just another city from any onlooker or passer by but having spent two weeks there I became accustom to it and its charm.  The people are friendly, you’re not ripped off and everything is so reasonably priced.  Obviously I am aware that I have GBP pound and if I was earning a Thai salary it would be more relative however I don’t think my opinion would change.

The first test for me in Bangkok and probably the only one was that you can get fake designer clothes, accessories and electronics dirt cheap.  I managed to refrain from shopping too much.  I did buy some shorts and T-shirts but this was to replace western clothes that were not designed for the Thai heat and humidity.  They are also lighter to carry and trust me that is reason enough for me to buy them!

I still couldn’t help my materialistic ways coming through when I saw a lush pair of very short, blue Billabong swim shorts for £6 but my justification for this is that I have wanted a pair like this for years but was not prepared to pay £65-£120 for them!  Thailand, 350BHT which is about £6.50 so I have saved money for an investment!  The other purchases that I have avoid but not forever is the electronic accessories.  I have decided I will not buy the copy electronics as they are not fully functional.  I would much rather wait till I have a settled job and can get the real thing.  At least I have warranty.  I am talking about an iPhone and iPad.  These days in western society you can get these on contract and they don’t really cost you that much.  What I will be bring home are the accessories that go with them.  Things like a Mulberry iPad leather case and iPhone holder.  Yes, its me being a bit of a show off but I want it for me, no-one else and again I will be saving hundreds of pounds in the long run!

I have, so far, enjoyed immersing myself in the Thai culture and trying to let go of all my old ways etc in order to “find myself”.  I did a Three Rune Spread a couple of days ago and it also confirmed the need to let old ways go and embrace new ways.  I am trying and hopefully this is evident from the above. 

As I said earlier, I am now on my way to Jomtien Beach.  This is a beach resort and mainly full of package holiday goers.  I think this will be a test of my development as its probably full of show offs and yuppies.  It also happens to be home to Pattaya’s only LGBT beach.  Not looking forward to that because in that scene that’s when I automatically become a trumped up show off which is not what I want to be.

Only time will tell! x

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